Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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