ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
