Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
