Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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