Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
