I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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