She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
