I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
