I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize