dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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