took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
