She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
