So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
