Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
