Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
