Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
