we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
