I cannot find my penis.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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