Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
