ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
