I am in a vortex of obligation.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
