I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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