The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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