i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
