How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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