Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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