SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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