I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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