Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
