Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
