so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
