at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
