There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize