I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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