This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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