have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
