Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
