Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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