Your mouth is God's brothel.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
