I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
