Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
