lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
