they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
