BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
