and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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