I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
