i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize