Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
