My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
