Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize