its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Who died my cat blue again?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize