At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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