If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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