the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He passed out mid-signature
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
