i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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