neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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