It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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