apparently the secret to your success is patron
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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