we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Fuck appropriateness.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
