Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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