o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
