The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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