Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
