i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
