I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
